The use of Day Timers

When it comes to dealing with your ex, whether you get along or not, it is very important to be sure that you have all of your information correct. We are only human after all and it's easy to get lost in life and find ourselves overwhelmed. You also want to be sure that you don't miss anything involving your kiddos - parent-teacher conferences, specialty fun nights at school, important doctors appointments for your kiddos and especially, when your visits with your kiddos take place.

You want to have at hand a calander, I chose a medium day timer (like the ones they sale all year and especially during back to school season), which you can keep track of everything. I also use it for my own personal appointments but you may choose to use something else for that.

I keep my appointments in the daytimer because the shared calendar Jake and I have for the Boys shares aabbsolutely everything you put in there. Including any person appointmeans, which I personally feel Jake has no business knowing. Plus I can keep my daytimer in my purse and with me at allt imes should appointmentes for myself come up. Again, I also keeps Jake from knowing my personal business, and allows me to keep track of things with the Boys.

Not only does it help keep things straight when making appointments for yourself while being sure they don't conflict with your visitations, but it also helps when there if there is a conflict between you and your ex as to when visitations are scheduled etc to take place you are also documented for court if necessary.

Love & Support,
Molly-Ann

Consistency

Consistency between the households is incredibly important, however, it isn't something we always consider. Our kiddos need and actually crave consistency, especially between our households.

One of the biggest things which needs to be consistent are basic rules. Each parent can handle the situations revolving around the circumstances involving the rules at the time. However, there should be main rules, somewhere around five or so, which travel from one household to the other. That way the kiddos know what is expected, and aren't confused because dad has one set of rules, but mom's rules are completely different.

I like to think of the set of rules as a bridge between the households. It's something that regardless of how my ex and I are relating to one another at the time, the bridge remains for the betterment of the kiddos. It's something they know will still be the same even if things between my ex and I happen to be tense at the time.

Consistency is key. Plus, it helps the kiddos feel more secure during visits with us, the part-time parents. Since they know there are basic rules which are the same between the houses. Also, you shouldn't feel limited to five rules. That's just the number Jack and I have agreed upon because it's enough rules to maintain order and control. Yet, it's also not too many rules for our kiddos to remember.

Keep in mind, simple is usually best.

Love & Support,

Molly-Ann

I Survived My First School Function

When AJ was younger there was a couple with a son in his class who was divorced. Thing was you couldn't tell they were divorced. The first time I met them was at a class party. They blended so well, got along so well and were so friendly with one another that I thought they were married. I was pregnant with RJ at the time and while I was talking to their son he made the comment to me that he wanted a little brother or sister too. His mom and I laughed, and I told him he would have to talk to his mommy and daddy about that one. His mom laughed and told him, he knew that wasn't possible. I thought she meant she couldn't have any more kids and I apologized saying I didn't know. She laughed again and said, "Oh it's OK. It's just not possible right now because his father and I are divorced." I was shocked.

Then as the years went on and our Boys went to separate classrooms we didn't really see each other very much anymore, except at school functions. Always the two of them at every function getting along so well you'd believe they were married unless you knew better. I was still amazed every time.

Unfortunately, we can't all get along with our ex's that well. Maybe it's because we're newly separated/divorced. Maybe it's because for whatever reason we simply will never likely reach that place, which is OK.

Recently, I had my first school function where both my ex and I attended. To say it was awkward would be putting it mildly. It was a fun sort of night for the kids. AJ wondered around, checking out the various stations. RJ wondered around looking to hang out with his friends. While I went from station to station with Jr. I took pictures. I took video. (Always very careful to keep other children out of the shots whenever possible.) I was in Heaven. For a little while I felt normal within the walls of the school again. I felt normal with my baby outside of my home.

My ex and I had been getting along fairly well for the past few weeks. We'd even reached a point where we could talk on the phone for brief periods and not begin fighting. I thought that would transfer over into the real world especially at a school function. It didn't. I went up to my ex at one point just to sort of say "hello" and ask how he was doing. He answered me in an angry, clipped tone. Looking at me like I was crazy to be talking to him. I didn't understand. What had happened to us getting along? Why was he suddenly so angry?

If it was a matter of the fact that I monopolized all of Jr.'s time, at any point he could have tapped me on the shoulder saying he wanted to do things with him. I would have stepped back and allowed them to have that special time together. Only, he never did. He slumped in a chair and didn't interact with any of our Boys unless they went to him. Part of me felt bad because I didn't think to "share" Jr. with him, since I already get so little time with him. This was a treat. Part of me felt that if he had wanted that time, he should have asked for it. I can't read minds after all.

Either way, I was able to spend some fun quality time with my Boys. Even if my ex was a giant grump. (lol)

Love & Support,
Molly-Ann

Remembrance of 9/11

I hope that each of us takes a moment, maybe two, to remember 9/11. Remember how all the lives, the families, our country were forever changed. Because it only takes a moment to bring about change.