Wednesday, September 30, 2015

What hurts the most

There are plenty of things that hurt during a divorce and custody arrangement. I don't deny that. I never will. However, there are certain things which hurt more than others, at least for me. Recently, Jr. made the decision that he did not want to come with my other sons to spend the night, something which happens only every other week. He had a cold.

Could he have come anyway? Yes, he could.
Should we have forced him to go? I'm torn. He didn't feel well, and wanted to stay where he was comfortable. I would never want to force him out of his right to say where he was comfortable while he sick. At the same time, I missed him during the visit. He didn't have a serious illness, which I obviously would never force him to come on the visit. However, part of me wanted to push the issue because he wasn't seriously ill.

He didn't come on the visit, which hurt, a lot. It's something, which I look forward to every other week. I understood why he didn't come. That didn't stop it from hurting me because although he was sick and I understood the reasons, it still hurt me.

I'm learning rather quickly that while the divorce it self hurts. The custody situation, no matter how friendly, hurts. However, having Jr. refuse to visit with me hurts the most.

Love & Support,

Friday, September 11, 2015

Remembrance of 9/11

I hope that each of us takes a moment, maybe two, to remember 9/11. Remember how all the lives, the families, our country were forever changed. Because it only takes a moment to bring about change.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Methods of Maintaining Contact with Your Children

I am by no means a perfect part-time mama, not by any stretch of the imagination. I don't contact my kids nearly as much I should. I know that I'm wrong. This is something I'm trying desperately to correct, although it's still not nearly often enough.

I call when I can. Even if that means I need to set alarms on my cell phone to remind me, and yes, I know how sad that sounds.

I have a difficult time when it comes to the usual methods of contact. We can't Skype. My children don't check or read their email, so there goes that method. To try and keep in touch when I don’t see my kids I've gotten creative. 

I make the silly little videos and text them to my ex-husband for him to show them, which is something my children love.

I send cards. Sometimes it's one card and I put 3 three separate, special notes to each of them inside the card. I actually mail to them using old fashioned snail mail. What child doesn't love to reveive mail, right? Sometimes I fill the cards with the confetti you get for the tables at parties. You'd be surprised how exciting it is as a child to not only get mail, but for it to be from Mama and sometimes confetti falls out. Other times I'll put in stickers, always the same three stickers so there isnt any fighting over who gets what. After all, the communication is about my children. Not tormenting my ex. Mine love receiving snail mail!

At times, if I can't find a card I like and so, I create my own cards to send to them. Or if you'd like index cards work really well. They are easily accessible and realitively inexpensive. Plus there's the added bonus that you can use white cards or the multi-color cards. Don't forget, they're on sale at most places because of the end of Back to School sales at the moment.

If I come across a silly little picture or even something which has special meaning to us, I will send a picture of it, or the picture itself. Then, again, I send it to my ex to show to my children.

These are the ways I use A List of Maintaining Contact

I'd love to hear the ways y'all use the List. I'd also love to hear any ways you've come up with to keep in touch with your child(ren) while you are apart.

Love & Support,

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

A List of Ways of Maintaining Contact

Here is a list of the ways of maintaining contact that I have come up with so far.
  1. Phone calls
  2. Emails
  3. Skype/Facetime
  4. Make silly videos and text them to your ex to be shown to your children
  5. Send cards via old-fashioned snail mail
    1. Buy them
    2. Make them
      1. Make actual folding cards (draw on the front and write a note inside)
      2. Use index cards (drawing on the front and write a note on the other side)
  6. Send pictures of things you find while out which have special meaning to you and your child(ren) and text them to your ex
  7. Saving and showing off gifts (either made or purchased) your children have given you where they can see you during visits
  8. Make simple little gifts and mail them in either standard envelopes or bubble envelopes
I hope this list helps you to maintain contact with your child(ren) both in the usual and unusual ways.

If you have any other ideas that you use to keep in contact with your child(ren), I would love to hear them. Leave a comment and let's share our ideas.

Love & Support,

Friday, September 4, 2015

Let the Nightmares Begin

When I was going through my first divorce (yup, this is my second time around), I used to have these horrible nightmares of my ex-mother-in-law taking me to court and the court simply gave her custody of all three of my children. Even though she only had a genetic tie to one of them. She only had rights to see one of the three. Yet, she was still given all three of my children.

I've honestly lost track of how many times I've had that nightmare, or some version of it. In fact, I still have this very nightmare to this very day. The custody battle involving AJ was over long ago. It's like a sick, twisted version of PTSD. I hate it. The worst part is when the nightmare morphs into a night terror and I wake up screaming or fighting off a non-existent assailant.

Drawing Credit:

My current divorce was supposed to be semi-friendly, if such a thing exists. Last night, I had my first nightmare involving this divorce, which I was hoping to avoid this time given that we are trying to go a more positive route. I don't remember the exact details of the nightmare. All I remember is waking up terrified of losing my children and never seeing them again. If it hadn't been 2 o'clock in the morning I would have called my children simply to hear their voices. It's bad enough that I was unable to go back to sleep for two or three hours because I was afraid to go back to sleep. I was afraid the nightmare would begin again. My body finally won out at 4 o'clock AM and I fell asleep in the position I was in once my body quit and gave in.

I had sincerely hoped that I wouldn't have dreams or nightmares this time around. The details of the relationship and the divorce are different. I truly had hope. Looks like it was wasted hope because the whole cycle has begun again.

I don't know if the rest of you have had similar experiences, but I'd love to hear about them. It would be so nice to know I'm not alone with this bizarre side effect to divorce, and perhaps we could support each other through this difficult time.

Love & Support,